positive negative

you can try to hold the breeze

2010-08-24T19:41:00.002-05:00

surgery didn't go without its fair share of complications. my body just likes to be difficult and put up a fight. i had some pretty rough reactions to the medications, and as a result i became very weak and dehydrated, and ended up feeling pretty miserable for about a week. but now i'm back on my feet and basically functioning as normal. except my mouth still hurts.

today i took the OAT (optometry admissions test). it comprised of me sitting in a sterile cubicle and staring at a computer screen for four hours, answering questions about biology, organic and inorganic chemistry, physics, mathematics, and general reading comprehension. it was very draining. hopefully my score will be good enough to get me accepted to an optometry school. here's to hoping for the best.

album to check out: jay lib : champion sound. it's amazing. how could you do wrong with a combination like mad lib and j dilla?

it's only a paper moon

2010-08-11T08:18:00.004-05:00

I'm going in for surgery today to get my wisdom teeth removed. I am not looking forward to it much, but I guess at least once I have it done it will be over, and I shouldn't have to worry about my wisdom teeth beyond then. Right?...

Most I just worry about being completely anesthetized. Last time I had oral surgery, I had a some weird reaction to the drugs and I started punching and kicking into the air, and inadvertently hit some doctors and nurses in the process. While I find that kind of amusing in my own twisted sense of humor, I also note that I was a lot younger then and a lot less powerful. If I started throwing punches today, somebody's bound to get hurt. Last time, I was the only one who really got hurt: I had bruises all over my body from the restraints they had to use and from the IV wriggling all over my arm.

I might pass out when I see them put in the IV needle. I'm such a baby about these sorts of things.

In all honesty, it should probably go fairly smoothly, and I'll just be drugged up for several days and have cheeks like a chipmunk. I'm still not exactly sure what I'll even be able to eat...

Well, here's to hoping for the best.

i wanted you to feel the same

2010-08-08T20:47:00.003-05:00

back from kville. it was a very lazy weekend, and i was a little bit of a brat during the beginning of the trip, but once i settled down and started feeling comfortable then things were smooth. basically i just watched a lot of curb your enthusiasm, a few movies, and watched my boyfriend play zelda. nothing too extravagant or adventurous, but i wasn't really looking for much. i just needed an escape from my hometown and the stress of work.

i watched inception on saturday. chirstopher nolan is a pretty great director (i definitely recommend "memento", for anyone interested), and inception is practically five stories in one. the scenes are vivid and the lighting is so perfect, and the acting is also phenomenal. there's a pretty sweet fight scene, also, that takes place in a hallway that is rotating and rolling in space. pretty crazy, but it looks fantastic. the plot was also brilliant. so, in other words, i feel like inception lives up to most of the hype i've been hearing. i heard some complaints that it was a little confusing to follow, but i didn't think i had any trouble. of course, this is coming from someone who frequently watches david lynch movies and absolutely loves them (check out "blue velvet"...seriously).

well, i guess it's back to work as usual. i leave for brno in less than a month. i'm getting more anxious about it as the date approaches. eventually i'm going to have that sickening realization moment of "this may be the last time i see this person for a long time". i'm not looking forward to it.

such a white planet

2010-08-03T20:44:00.004-05:00

well, i'm preparing to head out of town again. venturing back to kville. i just can't keep away.

in other news, i just baked two pecan pies and completed a great deal of house chores. i'm feeling relatively domestic. i'm planning to take one pie to work, and the other to the boyfriend. i believe he might enjoy a little something sweet.

speaking of work, it's been a little hectic lately. i've been handling the patients a little bit more directly since we're somewhat short-staffed at the moment, and i've also been picking up on the slack that randomly occurs throughout the office. mostly it's just dull tasks like sorting files, pulling charts, or calling patients to remind them of their upcoming appointments. still, i'm working 11 hour days and i'm not used to having to interact with people for such long periods of time. i suppose i should get used to it if i'm considering this as a career. i really believe i am getting a lot better about it.

my boss is also putting a lot of pressure on me at the moment when it comes to optometry schools and my future. he's offered me a position at his office should i decide to stay for the year and work rather than go abroad, if i get accepted to school for the fall 2011 semester. it's really tempting, and it stresses me out a little. lately, i've really been wanting to take him up on his offer. i wish i could just know if i've been accepted right now.

this must be the place

2010-07-27T21:13:00.001-05:00

back in the hometown, recovering from kville. i had an entertaining weekend and it was difficult to return to the workplace and resume my daily grind. much thanks to my friends in kville for putting up with me and reminding me how much i’m going to miss that place.

one thing that’s been helping my transition back into the working week has been the new album by the arcade fire, “the suburbs”.

it’s got shadows of “funeral”, which drives me crazy (in a good way), but also some of the ghostly vocals and rhythmic pounding that reminds me more of “neon bible”. although the album was leaked a little early (it’s due out August 2nd), i’d have to say it fits the late summer season incredibly well. the track that will be playing as you sit out on your porch in the hazy dusk with a chilled brew clenched in your fist is bound to be “modern man”, while the song you’ll be stomping your feet and swinging your head to at the next undergraduate’s house party you attend will most likely be “month of may”. while cruising around in your chevy malibu through the back streets just trying to kill time and clear your head, any track on this album could fit your needs adequately. seriously, try it on for size.

this summer it was always raining

2010-07-21T07:18:00.004-05:00

sorry for the recent lapse in posts. i endured a major system crash that apparently required me to reformat my entire hard drive. when i asked the tech support crew what may have caused this catastrophe, the support man told me in his english dripping with accent"you must be certain to always shut down your computer properly, ma'am..."

two strikes. first of all, he called me "ma'am". i hate that. second of all, shutting down my computer incorrectly should not result in my having to reformat my hard drive. if that's the case, then something is wrong with the way you design computers. that computer hardly ever wants to shut down properly.

anyways, i figured i'd make a quick post before i try to jet off to kville for the rest of the week. hopefully i'll find some relaxation and entertainment there, assuming i can get there before all the rivers flood and block my access. this damn rainy weather.

finally got accepted to masaryk in brno. maybe now i'll get the paperwork necessary for my visa...one can only hope.

our deal

2010-07-13T07:18:00.001-05:00

well, work is already tiring me this week and it’s only tuesday. it’s going to be a long week.

however, i can at least be excited about the new best coast album, “crazy for you”. you can currently stream it from the urban outfitters website at http://blog.urbanoutfitters.com/features/best_coast
if you like what you hear you can also preorder the album.

to me, it feels like a mixture of beach pop and indie low-fi, although it is admittedly much cleaner than what i’d normally define as low-fi or drone. bethany cosentino has departed from her pocahaunted days of drone and embarked on a musical endeavor that rings pure of her love of california. this isn’t your katy perry “california girls” bullshit, either. her voice echoes and floats over relatively simple guitar riffs, and the lyrics tend to center about subjects such as boys, weed, and love. she’s definitely got a sense of humor (as anyone who’s followed her twitter account is certainly aware of), and her playful attitude is evident in the infectious tracks of “crazy for you”.

check it out. what have you got to lose?

also, i watched old re-runs of “boy meets world” this morning as i got ready for work. is topanga actually a real name?

is there a vaccine for this?

2010-07-11T18:02:00.001-05:00

great weekend.

watched the world cup final today- i was hoping for the netherlands but i can’t really be too disappointed with a win for spain, either. it was a fun match to watch…a lot of theatrics at times and a ridiculous amount of yellow cards, but also some skillful soccer.

i’m not sure if i’m quite ready to go back to work this week. i think i’d rather just drive to kville and spend the next week there, instead.

at least i’m making money.

the picture for this post is an old one but good one:
blue gill queen.

if you want some good music to check out, may i recommend Alcoholic Faith Mission? they had a great 2010 debut album entitled “let this be the last night we care”. i suggest it to anyone looking for a good listen. may seem sort-of like older broken social scene? at least that’s what kev thought.

i’m worried about you, coop

2010-07-07T08:00:00.001-05:00

i’ve been keeping fairly busy with my work. for about 10 hours of the day i am at the office, then i usually either head off to play some pick-up soccer or i go for a run. i spend the evenings alone, studying materials for the optometry admissions test or looking over czech language texts. i’m not sure if i’m making much progress in either area.

at least i’m keeping active and distracted. it passes the days and gives me short term activities to focus on, so i am not as anxious about the mess my life is soon to become. unfortunately, i believe i may have to confront those difficult decisions within the next few days.

this year my fourth of july was seven hours shorter than last year’s. last year i found myself on a transatlantic flight from paris to chicago. this year i found myself drinking beer while sitting with some friends in metal patio furniture in some back yard, talking about whatever. in the evening i didn’t watch the fireworks but i sat in my car while i talked on my cell phone, trying to avoid hearing words i know are eventually going to come but which i hope to postpone as long as possible.

eventually, i am going to have to face reality.

i am leaving america.

with one day leading to the next

2010-07-01T23:09:00.001-05:00

first off, i’ve got to give some credit to my brother for the art gracing today’s post. he seems to have gotten into a street art-phase, or something of the like. this little piece is called “hello there”. i like it a lot.

so, this past year i was exposed to the work of David Lynch. it was a rocky affair at first, with my first greeting being the movie Inland Empire. it’s a curling, crawling, complicated composition, dragging out for an agonizing 180 minutes. don’t mistake me by my choice of adjectives, however: i liked it. it’s not really the type of straightforward movie you can drift in and out of while munching on popcorn and talking to friends. you must devote your undivided attention to it. and even then, you probably are going to be left scratching your head. it lives up to its tagline: a woman in trouble.

a couple of months ago i tried out Lynch’s Mulholland Drive. it felt smoother than Inland Empire, but still had that complicated mise en abyme plotline that leaves your head reeling if you’re not willing to be a little tolerant and creative with the story being pitched before you.

what really turns me on, however, has to be Lynch’s television series Twin Peaks and his movie Blue Velvet. besides the fact that both star Kyle MacLachlan, who is absolutely fantastic, they are a little more approachable than the other Lynch works i’ve encountered. it still isn’t any sort of “invite over that co-worker you’ve been meaning to get to know better and watch a film together” sort of lightness, but compared to some of Lynch’s other films they feel much easier to consume.

i think what truly interests me about Lynch films is that they inspire discussion. you can’t watch one without venturing an interpretation of it, no matter how far-flung or bizarre. it’s perfect material for discussing with a few close friends who share an open mind.

since i don’t really have any friends here in my hometown who share my interest in Lynch, i usually end up going for long runs after watching something by him, during which i roll the plot over and over in my mind and try to sort things out on my own. usually i come home exhausted, sweaty, and still curious what the blue box and triangle key were really supposed to represent.

were they supposed to represent anything at all?

got love/ got shellfish

2010-06-29T19:34:00.001-05:00

okay, well, i’ve calmed a bit. over the past few days i went for some long runs, spent some time thinking, drank some cold alcohol (okay, a lot of alcohol), and had a long talk with my boss. for the time being i think i’ve come to a decision about how to proceed with my life, but who knows how i will feel a week or so from now.

thinking about the future can be so frustrating.

today at work i got to see a shard of metal in a patient’s eye (as well as a piece of plastic), and helped with the subsequent removal of these foreign bodies. later i would sit with a 13 year old girl while she cried and cried because she couldn’t get out her very first pair of contacts. we place the contacts for patients on the first attempt, but they are not allowed to take the lenses home with them unless they prove to us they can take them out on their own. poor girl just couldn’t do it. i sat there and reasoned with her for over an hour, but eventually she cried so much that the tears made it near impossible to take the lenses out anyhow.

at least today was a fairly interesting and productive work day.

looking for some interesting music? find “something in the way” by “best coast”. it’s a great summer tune.

debate exposes doubt

2010-06-26T09:22:00.001-05:00

Beginning to doubt my life decisions. Should I actually be an optometrist? Maybe I’ve been talking to my boss too much…

Ugh.

hoping these cigarettes will save us

2010-06-22T18:01:00.001-05:00

another day another dollar. it was a long day at work, beginning by waking up around 5:30 am after a night of little sleep, and then just getting back home around 5:45 pm. working for an optometrist is draining. while i do enjoy it somewhat, i’m also reminded each day why i decided not to become an optometrist.

today i saw a 12 year old patient with glaucoma. i saw a 16 year old girl who suddenly lost the ability to use her legs about 3 weeks ago and has constantly dilated pupils and pain in her eyes. no one really can say what’s wrong with her.

it wears me out.

last night there were tornados. i spent the evening in the closet of my basement, with a baseball helmet on, reading “the trial” by kafka. hopefully tonight the weather won’t be so tumultuous, and hopefully i’ll be able to find some sleep.

in some backyard, in some plastic chairs

2010-06-20T19:25:00.005-05:00

fantastic weekend in kville. just swung back into my hometown to have a father's day dinner with my family, and tomorrow i actually have to get up and go to work. i managed to land my old job for the summer, although with more sporadic hours. at least it is money. i need money.

the weekend was a great escape. things had become stifling in the hometown, in my parents' house, and it was critical that i get out and have some real fun. it's weird to return to kville and feel more at home there than in the town where i grew up. the people in kville are great- many goods times, awesome adventures, lazy days, and copious amounts of alcohol. and i actually was able to get some sleep. that always makes things better.

but being in kville also made me more nervous about my decision to move to brno. i am beginning to take note of all the things i will be leaving behind. good friends...familiarity...american comforts...eavesdropping...mostly, i am afraid of the language barrier. it makes it really hard to make friends when you can't fully express yourself in the language. i should really start studying harder, i suppose.

soon i will have to buy a plane ticket. things are starting to feel a little more real, but i still have this almost dream-like overlay that keeps me from fully realizing that come september i will be saying goodbye to america. and i don't know when i will return.

dinosaur with a toy gun

2010-06-15T19:13:00.003-05:00

back in a routine (although its just one art class and soccer pick-up games in the evening) and it is feeling good. i still have trouble sleeping, but whenever i find myself struggling i just put on some album on a low volume. usually i fall asleep before i get through all the tracks.

i've been cooking a lot again. whenever i come home, my parents encourage me to make them dinner. take tonight, for example: vegetable casserole with feta cheese, a salad, some watermelon, and cookies for dessert. my parents were relatively pleased, but the happiness was short-lived. when they discovered that the anticipated new episode of NCIS would not be shown tonight due to a presidential address, they had a fit. my parents can be so fussy sometimes when it comes to their television programming.

going to kville this week. very excited.

getting it wrong

2010-06-08T21:03:00.005-05:00

i have a friend named tanner. we went to high school together, and then he went off to college in some other region of the united states, but we still keep in touch. he's a pretty talented guy, especially when it comes to design. below i've posted the link to a sparklehorse song that he did the video for.

if you want to see something cool, then check it out.
if you don't want to see something cool, go look in the mirror.
sorry...that was probably unnecessarily harsh. just check it out, whydontchaaa?

http://vimeo.com/2354870

i don't want for you to take pills

2010-06-07T14:38:00.003-05:00

too much enthusiasm too soon.

last night i went out with some old guy friends from high school and had a fairly good time, but when it came time for bed, my head hit the pillow but no slumber came. even with all the depressant action of alcohol coursing through my body, i still struggled with insomnia. then i had to get up early this morning for class.

that's right: summer class. i'm taking a basic art class at the college...should be pretty easy, possibly entertaining. so far i've already cast a good deal of judgments over some of my fellow classmates...but then again i was the girl who showed up with wet hair, neon green framed sunglasses, jorts, and a mug of coffee reading "you're the greatest dad". starting off the summer semester well.

i'm sure i'll probably have some decent complaints or stories about my classmates to come later, but for the moment i'm just coasting. jawesome.

maybe it's the dirt, maybe it's the heat

2010-06-06T09:38:00.003-05:00

what a difference a few hours of sleep can make.

i was going on night 4 with still no sleep, and it was during the dark, weepy morning hours cruising on the coat tails of midnight that i decided this was absolutely ridiculous. a body needs sleep, and whatever anxiety that is keeping me so worked up that i can't feel the sweet relief of slumber isn't worth this insomnia hell. i drank a couple of beers to fortify my decision, then promptly tucked myself into bed and turned off the lights.

a couple of hours later i finally fell asleep, but i got at least a good 4-5 hours of solid sleep, and that truly makes quite a difference. i feel attentive and more alert than yesterday, and my hands are no longer quite so numb. hopefully tonight the sleeping trend will continue and maybe i'll log a commendable 6 hour shift. here's to dreaming big.

today i have no real plans. going to make a vegetable lasagna for dinner. i was pretty sure my parents had come to terms with my decision to be vegetarian (my mother came home with an armful of vegetarian cookbooks from the public library the other day), but then this morning they wanted me to eat some breakfast sausages. granted, i had helped stuff and prepare the sausages, but that still didn't mean i wanted to eat them.

it was kind-of fun to make them, however. at first it was like something a la "i love lucy" or a "three stooges" skit, but towards the end i was starting to feel like alton brown.

i will always be nicer to the cat than i am to you

2010-06-04T23:29:00.002-05:00

i miss sleep.

over the past three nights, i haven't enjoyed more than 2 straight hours of sleep. new bed, new location: none of it is working. i'm not exactly sure what is to blame, but it might lie in the fact that without some sort of shadow of a schedule or routine my body goes haywire. insomnia isn't that romantic image that some people keep in their mind, of the tragically tormented artist or writer sitting up late at night and working on his masterpiece, toiling deep into the night in a frenzied, idealized and passionate trance. it's not really like that at all. i stay up late with absolutely nothing to do. i want to sleep. i feel tired. but it never comes. it is incredibly frustrating.

i guess the only real positive is that i'm getting a lot of reading done with all the extra hours i'm not spending on sleep. i finished "the gambler" by dostoyevsky. now i've moved on to "dead souls" by gogol. i'm already a third of the way through it, and the night is still young.

due to the insomnia i've also become fairly introverted during the light hours. tonight i decided to try to go for a long walk in order to both get out of the house and also in hopes of tiring myself out so i could finally get some sleep. so far, i'm as awake as ever. however, the walk did help calm down some of the anxiety that had built up during the day. i saw a cantaloupe sitting in someone's driveway. i saw a horse living in a house (not a barn, mind you...an actual house). i trespassed and wandered for a good 3 hours or so, coming back well after the sun had set.

richard dunn died today.

no blood no foul

2010-06-03T21:05:00.003-05:00

today was slightly more productive.

got up around 7 am to go to an auction out in the country. i spent the day hanging out with the townies and watching people buy boxes of junk for a couple of dollars each, and i was called "hun" or "sweetie" more times than i'd like to recall. it was an adventure, at least.

pick-up soccer games have started up again, and although i have never actually played soccer on any team and i don't really possess any of the necessary skills, the guys still let me come and play. i enjoy the exercise, and they usually need to extra body to make even teams. basically, all i've got going for me is that i have a lot more endurance than most of them, and i'm relatively persistent on defense.

bought person pitch on vinyl today. love that album...but hate the fact my record player suddenly decided to go on the fritz.

also, i guess i decided this would be the summer of russian literature. i finished "fathers and sons" the other day, read a chekov play today while waiting around the auction, and i just started "the gambler" by dostoyevsky. we'll see how long this streak will last.

i heard your call but i was spitting up blood

2010-06-02T22:06:00.005-05:00

pictured above is the fine meal i constructed with kevin and matt last week. a homemade pesto on pasta with a fresh salad and some baked bread. many of the vegetables were fresh from the farmer's market. but before you start complementing me on a healthy diet, please note the whiskey and coke offsetting the meal. both things were delicious. those guys are good to cook with, and maybe sometime before the summer is over we'll get another opportunity to combine our culinary talents.

but for now i've left kirksville and it feels relatively strange to be back in my hometown. i've moved into a different room of my old house, mostly because i find it impossible to sleep in my old room. after finally getting everything situated as i desired, i'm actually pretty content there and i haven't left much. i finished reading "fathers and sons" by turgenev in two days, and i've been taking most of my meals up there in solitude. i've been listening to a lot of music. animal collective just blows my mind.

speaking of my music tastes, apparently i've become an "indie-hipster kid" over the past 4 years. i ran into some friends from high school, and they let me in on this fact. when the fuck did this happen? and why was i so oblivious? i guess the vegetarianism, obscure music tastes, and ironic wearing of jorts should have at least raised some flags in my mind. god damn it. oh well, too late to do anything about it now.

it's lonely here.

something in the way

2010-05-28T14:09:00.003-05:00

okay, sorry kids. it's been over a year. it's not like anyone reads this, right?

update on life: undergraduate degree is complete. what's next? good question. so far, it looks like i'm heading back to the czech republic. masaryk university has offered me a pretty good deal for my masters degree, and since i loved brno so much last time i suppose it isn't such a bad idea.

well, except for the fact that i've forgotten most of my czech and i'll be leaving everything familiar in america, including friends, family, boyfriends, etc. i guess it'd be similar if i decided to go to some other grad school in the U.S. except for the language barrier.

lately i've been struggling with visa documents and all that bureaucratic bullshit that is necessary for anyone to live long term abroad. also, i have to get my undergrad diploma officially recognized, and that's more difficult than i had originally anticipated. at this rate, it looks like i'll be lucky to leave the states by august.

i guess that gives me some time to brush up more on my czech. can someone please motivate me some more, though?

also- where da party at? i'm hella bored so far this summer.

i bet you look good on the dance floor

2009-03-19T05:56:00.003-05:00

brno is great.

i have trouble maintaining a consistent blog...right now i'm just going to focus on learning czech.

side note: last night i went to a Bosnian rap/hip-hop/experimental concert. it was high energy and very interesting...

missing you is worse than pittsburg

2009-01-31T01:47:00.003-06:00

I would consider apologizing for the lack of posting, but I feel like if it hasn't become obvious that I cannot post based on a schedule, then you aren't reading carefully enough.

I arrived in Praha (Prague) on Wednesday afternoon...from there it was a harrowing and stomach-wrenching journey to get to Brno. Two bus rides later, it was dark, 21:00, and I was lost in Brno. Luckily I was numb from 36 hours of running on no sleep, and so rather than fully freaking out, I was so damn determined just to get to my destination in the city. I basically had a sketchy map and the name of a tram stop for my guide, and I used those to the best of my ability, only to end up eventually still following some college-aged kids off the tram and to my new residence. Thank goodness those people just happened to be also attending my university, otherwise I don't know where I would have ended up.

Each day is an adventure here, and not always in the best sense. The language barrier is terrifying, and much worse than I expected. I wish I knew more Czech, or I wish more of the signs were in English. Some days I ask myself why I didn't just go to France or England or even Australia, where I would have a shot at understanding and being able to function. Then there are the multiple instances of self-doubt, where I believe I might have made a mistake in coming here.

I've not let my fear keep me locked inside. Each day I try to get out and wander the city. Sometimes it is fascinating and I have a wonderful time or make great discoveries, and other times I just get horribly confused, embarass myself, and get yelled at by an aggrevated cashier in Czech. It's really hit or miss living here for me right now.

If you want to see some photos, go to http://kgettinger.shutterfly.com/ Eventually the photos will probably be used here, as well, but if anyone is curious and wants to look at them now and see my commentary, I recommend you go there. I might actually update it more frequently. No promises.

lost coastlines

2009-01-26T11:31:00.002-06:00

i'm preparing for time travel. this is my last full day in the united states for a while...i'm not sure if i've packed everything i need, tied up all the loose ends before i go, or if i actually know what i am doing.

i hate airlines and airports.

i've prepared myself a playlist of music and i'm bringing a book, and hopefully i can sedate myself enough that i won't freak out too much.

This is my way of saying goodbye because I can't do it face to face. I'm talking to you before no matter what happens now you shouldn't be afraid because I know today has been the most perfect day I've ever seen.

Mephistopheles is just beneath and he's reaching up to grab me

2009-01-23T15:42:00.003-06:00

lately, i've been very anxious. i am having trouble eating, sleeping, concentrating...in a way i feel like i am trying to avoid the inevitable. i know that in less than five days, i will be leaving this country, and i won't be returning for at least five months.

every time it is brought up in conversation, i begin to feel sick. naturally, i attempt to sweep it under the rug or bury it underground, so i won't have to look at it or deal with it. the main pain is simply the anticipation. if i could simply go through with it, get established, get calm...then i think i could find some rest. but it is this uncertainty which is shredding my nerves to pulp.

this is a picture i took of some nuclei.

mike: please live past 30

2009-01-17T12:24:00.003-06:00

i went to a party. for once in my life, i didn't stand around awkwardly in corners praying to the watermarks on the ceiling for someone to save me from my wallflower ways. instead, i held conversations like a normal human being and even danced a little, though i'm sure many were convinced i was just having convulsions in the middle of the living room.

regardless, i enjoyed myself last night. if anyone involved in that night reads this, i want to impersonally thank you, via this blog post, for facilitating my good mood. thanks.

we did what we could to save this house from falling

2009-01-08T14:16:00.004-06:00

i find myself again in a miserable cafe of my hometown, attempting to slay the day but not really having a good motive. the coffee here is so bitter, i have to intermittently nurse a glass of ice water between sips. needless to say, i don't come here for the fine cuisine. if nothing else, it's just to escape the house and get a breath of fresh air. this vacation has made me feel sluggish and lazy.

honestly, i don't know what to do with these days. it's a tricky situation, where i am anxiously awaiting my birthday this coming weekend and the adventures that are sure to accompany it, but then at the end of the month i step on an airplane and leave this country for a good six months. while i'm sure brno will be exciting and a wonderful experience, the idea of it is turning me into an anxiety-riddled mess of skin and bones. i'm going to miss american friends and american experiences. doubt is a terrible demon.

well, back to this terrible cup of coffee.

we will live as our ghosts will live

2009-01-05T23:04:00.003-06:00

well, not much to report. i've been wasting my days baking, cooking my family dinner, drawing, and reading a little. i miss my friends and i feel sluggish and lazy.

it is almost my birthday, and that is exciting.

i went to the doctor today. he tells me i'm 69 inches tall and i have poor circulation. it will improve when the weather becomes warmer. i cannot wait for spring/summer...i am faded from the winter.

how many iron and wine references can i make in one post? i should top this off with an appropriate drawing.

drawing circles in the air

2009-01-02T08:54:00.002-06:00

well, it's the new year. i went out of town for the holiday, and that was entertaining. if i had stayed here, i would have just ended up watching late night television by myself and sneaking sips from the liquor cabinet. instead, i went to a party for about an hour and then left to take care of a sick boyfriend. i didn't mind.

plans for the new year? a resolution? eh, perhaps i'll try not to be so mean, and to clean up my language.

last night was the best sleep i've had in a long time. i feel great.

guess where i am, sufjan

2008-12-27T13:47:00.000-06:00

power of attorney

2008-12-15T11:55:00.003-06:00

so, i'm home, by some miracle. i made the 2.5 hour drive coasting on about 30 minutes of total sleep. and the night before, i enjoyed perhaps 3 to 4 hours? it's been a long, interesting week.
i got used to it. sleep now feels foreign. my parents think i'm an insomniac. it was a lot more fun staying up late when i had people to hang out with and things to do. now i'm just alone, in my shadowy basement, reading books and watching late night television programming.

i've been writing a little, baking some more, photoshopping as needed. yesterday i went out into the woods with the camera and saw a lot of things. i saw bones, organs, and this small mouse. what interests me is that it died from its wounds, no doubt, but that whatever wounded it decided not to eat it. was it killing for sport?

new idea: csi: animal edition. they can air it on animal planet. i'm sure it'd be a big hit... just get some B-list actor with an icy cold stare and a gravley voice to play the department head, and we'll be prime time before we know it.

pangea- we used to be together

2008-12-08T10:42:00.004-06:00

procrastination.
these final days call for some intensive cramming and studying, and yet they seem to be some of my least academically productive days of the year. i can see the shoreline, but instead of heading in an all out frontcrawl sprint to reach the sands, i sit treading water.

i think a portion of it is due to the fact that i am not returning here in spring. a part of me wants to suss every last ounce of adventure out of these place before i abandon it.

why am i leaving? ask me in six months. it'll take me that long to decide why.

currently reading: preparing for your ACS examination in organic chemistry: official guide
currently listening: won't trade by q-tip

this is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about

2008-11-30T12:17:00.002-06:00

well, it's been a good thanksgiving break.

i cooked a lot of food, baked a lot of treats, and wrapped up some presents for some lucky friends...it's now snowing, and i think i'll slowly drive my way back within the next hour. i have a lot of work to get done before truly being able to relax for winter break.

soundtracks to be listened to on the trip:
the killers: day & age
someone still loves you boris yeltsin: broom
noah and the whale
various christmas compilations, perhaps...
and possibly some david bowie. don't judge.

the girl and brno

2008-11-24T15:15:00.003-06:00

well, it was an interesting weekend.

friday i went to a concert where a few local bands were playing..some were surprisingly good, others were disappointing. afterwards i spent the evening back at the room, watching Planet Earth. holy smokes, Planet Earth is so amazing. everyone please: watch it.

saturday night i had an enjoyable time with some friends. it left me feeling conflicted as to whether i truly wanted to abandon all this next semester.

oh, right. by the way: i'm spending the next year in the czech republic.

the trees were mistaken

2008-11-14T07:26:00.003-06:00

Sometimes there are days where I feel like I am an engine that is still running even though the cooling fluid has long leaked away. I just had five of those days in a row.

Exams can cause a lot of stress, especially if I haven't been keeping up with the material. That's my own fault, and you'd think I would learn enough to start working earlier, but somehow everything still manages to get pushed back until it becomes such a daunting burden that I can't even touch it until it is absolutely necessary.

In other news, it is the weekend, and I am welcoming it with a grateful, open embrace. I'll be alone these next few days, but that's perfectly alright by me: perhaps I'll start studying ahead for my next exams.

2008-11-07T08:00:00.002-06:00

the wind here is ridiculous.
the weekend has finally arrived and so i can stop clenching my teeth and have a little bit of time dedicated towards relaxation and fun. tonight i'm heading to columbia in order to catch a wolf parade concert. it should be fun, and my only regret is that it will cost me $15 and i'm a little strapped for cash right now.

halloween weekend was less than enjoyable. while i did get to dress up as both a gold digger (in the kanye west sense) and marty mcfly, there was a lot of unecessary drama. most of that drama was encouraged and fueled by the copious intake of alcohol by the involved parties. being sober granted the advantage of being able to have better control over the situations, but it also came with the consequence of being able to recall everything that happened. there are portions of my life that i sometimes would like to just move on and forget about.

basically, i'm just trying to keep striving until thanksgiving. then i'll get some peace for a short while.

muffins

2008-10-08T20:10:00.004-05:00

midterms. taking a holiday and going home for a few days. plan to do a lot of baking, maybe head out and take some photographs. autumn weather always gets me itching to go out and try to capture the beauty of nature....and i just always feel like baking.
probably will make some cookies, biscotti, possibly some muffins. will also try some new tofu recipes i found. bound to be a good, relaxing break.
by the way- i couldn't remember the mechanism for solventless aldol synthesis. chucies.

dark end of the street

2008-09-30T20:04:00.003-05:00

so, maybe it has been a while since i posted...but hey- i warned you. i'm not very reliable.
reasons why i don't feel bad i haven't updated recently:
1) no one reads this, anyway.
2) we've all got more productive things to do.
3) i have gastroesophogeal reflux disease, and it's totally a bitch.
anyways, if you are really desperate for ways to waste time on the internet, i recommend the following:
1) www.qwantz.com
2) go watch episodes of 'it's always sunny in philadelphia'
3) make random numbered lists

until next time...

saturdays = youth

2008-09-12T20:36:00.003-05:00

so, apparently the city in which i live is basically Atlantis. every time it rains, the streets flood so that my shoes get wet, people freak out, buildings get damaged, and rumours spread about bridges being shut down. i usually just get irritated because i'm forced to use my stolen yet broken umbrella, and because the bottom of my pant legs get soaked and i have to sit all day in humid wet garments. but besides all that, i really like the rain.

passed away- got one day older

2008-08-25T12:04:00.003-05:00

so, i've just been to my first two classes of the year: physics 186 and organic chemistry 2. wow, going to be a fun year.
in all honesty, i've got a ton of work to do already that i've been putting off. so, basically, expect less posts and updates from now on.

it's hard to be motivated.

catacomb kids

2008-08-17T23:05:00.003-05:00

well, freshmen moved in today. it was painful to watch and experience. i kinda liked being the only people in town. now there's a bunch of cocky, energetic, enthusiastic and misinformed little youngsters romping around my stomping grounds. i hate being mistaken for one of them, but i can see how it's easy to do this.
well, this is the first night i've been in my room, and it is awfully boring. i have no idea where my roommates are? at least i get to sleep in tomorrow.
however, i feel like i should be doing something right now, like hanging out with friends and enjoying my last few nights of freedom.

the news called it crack, i called it diet coke

2008-08-14T17:52:00.002-05:00

well, i've moved into my new place. it feels great. my roommates haven't come yet. they won't be showing up until next week. it feels like i'm living in such a huge space right now.

i also enjoy the fact that the campus seems completely dead right now. i have no classes, and the most i have in the form of an agenda is the daily meetings i have to prepare for orientation next week. very relaxing here.

i wish i had my bicycle. i might need to find one for cheap.

hand-me-down tune

2008-08-12T13:58:00.003-05:00

today i move back to the k ville. i plan on causing some major destruction this semester. maybe rack up some counts of petty theft, minor arson...and hopefully get some good grades so my parents stop yelling at me everytime i visit home...

i've been listening to some music suggested to me by my friend blake. here's what i've liked of it so far:
the avett brothers- emotionalism
joanna newsom- ys
clipse- hell hath no fury
rhymefest- bluecollar

it is all a little different, but i enjoy it. i have somewhat scattered tastes in music...

summer is drawing to a close. at least the olympics are on. professional water polo is intense.

rest my chemistry

2008-08-07T21:24:00.003-05:00

i cannot even explain how this picture is capable of making me laugh everytime i see it.

in less than a week: misery.

should be exciting and fun.

friends don't waste wine when there's words to sell

2008-08-04T22:18:00.004-05:00

today i spent the day toiling away at work, then came home and taught myself some guitar. i also experienced an interesting phone call.

this is a photograph of the student prince, which used to be one of my favorite places to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee. it was a casual, little mom and pop-esque joint that was frequented only by grizzly regulars including a regiment of tobacco smoking farmers and their gritty, stubby fingered wives.

that's all changed. first there was the smoking ban, which eliminated the hazy atmosphere that i had grown used to over the years. of course, now i could actually taste my 60 cent plate of wheat toast, so that was a positive. but this summer the establishment underwent a remodeling.

now, the interior is a stark, bleak, clinical whitewash with poorly stapled leather benchseats to replace the undeniably torn and worn but still cushioned former seats. the menu also altered: no longer is their a focus on the good old homestyle cooking, a diner-esque palette. now it features ice cream specialties, and is trying to tote itself as a more commercialize, family friendly establishment.

wtf- i just want some sleazy, unknown, grimy little diner in which to get my cup of coffee and socialize with friends of old. now where am i supposed to go?

even mcdonald's has wi-fi these days.

i can lead the nation with a microphone

2008-08-02T00:24:00.003-05:00

tonight i went to a dance party in a basement. i didn't know too many people there, but i took it as an opportunity to dance violently and without care. it was a good way to release energy.

summer is quickly drawing to a close, and i'm beginning to realize i had a lot of stuff i was planning to accomplish. it's as if i'm still some little kid...making big plans but then getting distracted in the lazy months, and then trying to cram everything in at the last moment.

for all my assumed maturity and accumulated years, i still can fall back on some childish habits.

my old ways

2008-07-30T17:07:00.002-05:00

the dr. dog show in columbia,mo was amazing.

mojo's is a cozy, very accomodating venue, with a lot of space to move, a nice outdoor terrace section, and a clean atmosphere while still retaining that traditional bar impression and the aroma of stale beer coming from the floor boards. it's very deceptive from the outside- don't let it fool you.

dr. dog was intense, and it was one of the best shows in my life. then again, i really enjoy the smaller, more intimate gigs like this one. i was front and center, and the crowd was basically an assortment of other loyal fans, so the audience reactions were energetic and enthusiastic. dr. dog was completely in sync and sounded absolutely amazing. i'm still left giggling in excitement and completely speechless. you'll have to ask my friend andie for any more details.

if you haven't heard dr. dog, go to their myspace: www.myspace.com/drdog
they just released a new album, Fate.

you could call me aaron burr by the way i'm dropping hamiltons.

2008-07-28T08:35:00.003-05:00

i took a spontaneous trip out of town this weekend. it was enjoyable.

on tuesday i'm going to see dr. dog with andie.

to kick off the week in true celebrating fashion, i'm listening to all my dr. dog albums. i also plan to make andie listen to all of them on our trip to the concert.

should be interesting.

telephones don't care

2008-07-22T19:28:00.003-05:00

there is a correlation between the recent decline in posts and the increase in my hours spent at work. i'm not complaining, because it gets me scrilla.

sometimes i enjoy looking at the desperate, almost bi-polar life of jon arbuckle, emphasized by removing his famous cat from the comic strip.
see below:
http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/post/41588789

winks at a eulogy

2008-07-18T06:45:00.002-05:00

finally friday.

not much planned. tomorrow i'm going to an auction, and it is bound to be extreme.

i usually can't control my bidding at auctions: i get far too excited and just start bidding on random whims.

it's financially troublesome, but it's a hell of a lot of fun.

frontier psychiatry

2008-07-16T13:23:00.005-05:00

today is my brother's birthday.

happy birthday broseph.

today's agenda:
work a half day
SHOF with scott
celebrate aging with donny
possibly some super smash brothers brawl
kill that damn hawk outside my window (or teach it to kill for me)

i'll skip the sermon and stick to the booze

2008-07-15T07:28:00.003-05:00

i drew this last semester. it is my friend adam. he is under the ocean, and it makes me think of the song "stella was a diver and she was always down".

go listen.

i'm currently trying to listen to my modest mouse discography and decide which album i like best.

it is a very difficult decision.

the girl

2008-07-14T08:24:00.000-05:00

occasionally, i take photographs of various subjects. at other points, i form opinions and make observations. usually, i make quick drawings and sketches.

this is a place where you can find those things from time to time.